my day will come

i didnt sleep last night. well i did, but for all of five minutes. i woke up scared because i had the same nightmare again. after that i spent the next 14 hours curled up in my bed listening to music.
its scary that it still happens. the only reason i can think of for it happening is that i still care. i mean, i do. but i dont know if i want to keep caring. it seems like every time i try to care, shit gets hairy and i get shut out. if youre reading this, just let me know what you want out of me, if i should try, or if its even worth it, cuz im willing. i always have been.

anyways, im pretty much too scared to go back to bed. i think im going even crazier, more than voices and shit

"this house is not a home..."