everytime someone wants something from me i try my hardest to give them what they ask or and i become the person that they dont want me to be. i become someone that i shouldnt be, and it always just backfires on me.
i feel like im stuck in a body that wont set me free...
i look around and it feels like im just someTHING stuck in a cage that is my head. i can never leave and its the only thing that i want to do.
often there are multiple voices going on inside of my head at once that drive me crazy!
- theres the one that creates every thought that i have
- the one that repeats that though and turns it into a solid memory
- the one that mocks the previous voice
- the one that reasures me that i am correct
- and all at the same time there is an optimistic and pessimistic voice, neither of them heling me get anywhere.
a good majority of the time ive learned to deal with these voices and ignore them. but they always always always rear their ugly heads and hurt me.
i just wish that i could leave my head for a while, not through drugs or suicide or anything, but just be carefree, leave the cellmates within my head behind, if just for a while, and be truly happy for once.
these voices and thoughts have always kept me an introverted person, so i am always alone in a crowd. the only way ive ever found to get rid of them for a while is to be with someone who understands me, one on one in person, and just talk about everything going on. i havent done this in months now, and to be honest im afraid to, because these voices tend to scare everyone away, even those who think that theyre up to the challenge. so please, someone, i need you to step up because im losing myself now...
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