off my chest

so i know that my previous post sounded dismal and depressing and lonely, but dont think of it that way and do not feel sorry for me.
life gets shitty. people enter. people leave. ive learned to deal with it, it doesnt change the fact that it happens though. ive learned that if i stop trying to hold onto someone as my friend and let them walk in and out of my life, no questions asked, i may never have such close friends as most people, but i less dissapointment coming my way and a little black journal that the people i once considered friends gave me.
i often dont find comfort in my sleepless nights or watching people pal around while i sit alone in a spot set in stone. but i do take in everything around me and i try to think positive thoughts and be a happy person.
the problem is that i never feel complete.
i have all the oppurtunities in the world, but not ones that ive ever felt i wanted to use.
i want a frienship that fills the holes in my heart left from years of stress and lack of sleep.
i want everything in the world ive never had... atleast everything in the world that money CAN'T buy.
i dont care for money. i would take love over material objects anyday. just be there for me.
i have plenty of people who BELIEVE that they are there, but what they dont realize is that being there is a constant check up and taking time out of your busy day of screwing around when im sitting alone listening to music, not paying attention.

for all of you who wont read this but i hope do. i miss you. we hardly talk anymore, and soon enough we wont talk at all. i doubt that youll even remember me for what i used to be to you, if you even do now.
i understand why this is though. we are from different worlds, and its harder to accept me when i dont fit in. but i really wish that i did, just because i love you all so much.
and i hope you never ever say that youll always be there for me or that you love me, because you know what happened to the last person who said that to me *poof*.

anyways. its been fun. i started trying to write something happy but my mind wanders a bit sometimes, im sorry.

until next time...