im lost

so i really dont know whats going down anymore...
have you ever felt like your life was all figured out? and then did you realize that nothing is even close to being figured out?
i dont really know who im still friends with anymore, besides maybe 3 people. but one person i have a good chance of never seeing again and i dont hardly talk to the second anymore. and the third is (probably) the only person who reads this blog because shes such a creeper... =-].
but when i started, hell, this month....

i thought i was tight with (let me count...) atleast 5 people. one i havent talked to in forever even though she promised she would always be there for me, and probably never will again. one i realized is a total bitch to me, and i dont even think she realizes it. one i have no clue what happened, but weve been on thin ice for the longest time it seems, and i dont even know why. one i hardly talk to mostly because of her affiliation with the previous three. and the last i am still tight with, but i probably will never see him after finals next week.

the thing im worried about is the fact that i wont see yall over summer, and i know things will get awkward and uncomfortable when we get back. i dont think any of you realize that youve become my family here. the only problem is that im the only one who lives here. so when you leave here you have your own families to go back too. and you complain about going back to them, but you still cant wait to get away from this "awful place" because "it sucks and you hate it". when you say those two things in less than a minute of eachother to my face have you eer thought of how that gets interpreted by me?
i mean not one of you has even told me that you are going to miss me. you just tell eachother how much fun youre gunna have and cant wait to get away from this shithole. this shithole is where i was born and raised and have to spend my summer missing you all.

i dont think any of you honestly realize just how much i need you. like honesly, please come talk to me tomorrow, one last time before you go...

wow i cant believe im talking to you about this... when you wont even read it,