death just shouldnt happen. no one is ready for it. no one deserves it. no ones time should come. it doesnt matter if theyre 99.5 and been chillin in bed the past few years. they shouldnt die. its just not right. even worse, having to say goodbye. its one thing to say goodbye to someone forever if you know that they are just leaving and you wont ever see them again, but theyre alive. its another if theyre dying and you have to say goodbye. you feel incomplete if you dont, but if you do you feel aweful and want to go crawl in a whole and never come out. ive had to do it before. i have to do it tomorrow morning. its just not right. i dont want to say goodbye. never having to say goodbye is probably the most childish way of convincing yourself that someone isnt going to leave you, but its inevitable and unfair.
people often use the quote "if theres one thing ive learned about life, its that it goes on" or something similar. thats not necissarily true. that quote can only apply for so long. one day the person you say that to will die. and then youll realize that thats false. im alone, im scared, and i just said goodbye to a family member for the last time ever... i dont really feel like trusting in someones faith in the fact that life "goes on".
"Even though I know, I don’t want to know. Yeah I guess I know, I just hate how it sounds..."
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